Tag Archives: life changes

More on Hypnotherapy

I have written previously about the healing power of hypnotherapy regarding smoking cessation, post-surgery recouperation, and anxiety reduction. However, I have not touched on the spiritual growth that I have seen. These cases have been, perhaps, the most amazing of all. In fact, they are so transformative that I am moving more and more toward focusing my practice in this direction.

One example was a client who was extremely depressed. Let’s call her Dianne. She felt completely alienated from God. Completely rejected. I cannot say which came first, but the more depressed she felt, the more alienated she felt, and the more alienated, the more depressed. She spent much of her time crying, she was mean-spirited toward others, and she had little motivation and no energy to accomplish anything. In fact, she missed many of her therapy appointments because she couldn’t get out of bed and get dressed.

We explored many treatment modalities, and as a last resort, she agreed to hypnotherapy. The prospect of hypnotherapy had made her a little nervous, but, when nothing else worked, she hesitantly agreed. She entered a meditative state rather quickly. I guided her to approach the deepest part of her psyche and say a prayer asking for God to love and accept her. I did not pray for her or over her. Beyond helping her reach a trance state, I did not interfere. It was important that she approach her own image of God in her own way.

I always support whatever beliefs a client brings into the session. Most are Judeo-Christian, but I have worked with practitioners of Buddhism, Hinduism, earth religions, Celtic religions, and Native American beliefs, among others.

At first during hypnosis, Diane felt rebuffed, but when she realized that it was her own feelings of unworthiness that were getting in her way, she tried again. This time, she felt herself lifted up by God. Hugged. Held within his arms. Tears of joy streamed down her face as she left the trance state, and she could barely speak through her emotions.

She left my office feeling loved, loving, and loveable. It was not a “magic” cure. Diane continued to struggle against her maladaptive behaviors, but now she had the energy to work on them. She felt changed by the experience. And her changes touched me and others who knew her. Thank you, Diane.

Family Tapestries

I just finished reading The Art of Mending by Elizabeth Berg. I find that novels often tell the truth in a way that textbooks can’t. What I liked about this story was the way it demonstrated the fact that no two of us are raised in the same family–even siblings. Ms. Berg’s novel centers around the vastly different perspectives that a brother and two sisters have on the atmosphere of their childhood home. The book takes the reader down an uncertain path, a guessing game of which sibling is telling the truth, to the final pages of, not just a revelation, but a healing and cleansing. I am deliberately vague here, because I encourage those who are drawn to stories of family dynamics to read this novel without any spoilers.

The novel recalled for me the concept of “the looking-glass self,” a term coined by social psychologist Charles Horton Cooley in 1902. The theory proposes that we shape our self-concepts based on how we think we are perceived by others–especially family members. If we are labeled (especially by a parent) as “the shy one,” “the fussy one,” “the brainy one,” “the plump one,”  “the athletic one,” the pretty one”, then our role in the family is far different from that of our siblings, and, therefore, our family experience is different. Worse, we are likely to buy into those labels and put ourselves in boxes for years. But only if we allow that to happen.

It is exciting to see clients who had come into my office with such low opinions of themselves that they couldn’t even look me in the eye begin to build positive self-images, to discover gifts and talents and psychological muscle. It is not an easy process, or a quick one, but step by step the client grows toward the sun. Like the recluse who became a social leader, the frightened abuse survivor who became a spokeswoman, the slow learner who enrolled in college, the addict who earned a graduate degree. Everyone of these and many more came into the office with a negative label. Everyone of them found the courage to toss it away.

1925. The Tri-State Tornado

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I have been researching the 1925 record-breaking tornado that leveled numerous small towns and killed over 600 people across Missouri, Illinois, and Indiana. That tornado still holds the record for death toll, time on the ground, and distance traveled. One factor that contributed to the terror felt by the communities was that there was no warning except for the dark clouds they noted in the southwest. No time to get to safety. Weather services were not equipped to predict the path of tornadoes  at that time. In fact, tornadoes were so unpredictable that weather services were not permitted to use that term because of the panic it might incite.

My interest in this storm was piqued by having had the privilege of talking to several survivors at one of the nursing facilities where I am a consultant. The stories of loss are heartbreaking, but the determination and courage shown by the survivors is inspiring. It is difficult to imagine losing every possession, one’s home, or several children within a matter of minutes. Many of the victims were trapped in basements, crushed beneath heavy objects, burned to death as coal stoves fell and timbers ignited. Clean-up included, not just pulling the rubble aside and rebuilding, but also searching for and identifying the bodies of loved ones, binding the wounds of the injured.

I am writing a work of fiction based on the experiences I’ve heard or read about relating to that tragic event. I hope to show the depth and extent of the devastation felt in the communities. But my focus will be on the way the destruction may have changed the survivors, and on their ability to find the will to mend and move forward.

 

 

Who Do We Think We are?

More and more, I am seeing that our self-identities may be our destinies. When we are young, we believe we are invincible, that life has no boundaries, and that our futures have no strings. But our identities harden around the edges as we make choices and begin to shape the way we live. That is a good thing. We need structure to accomplish anything. We need a foundation to build on. We need a circle of support.

But I’ve learned something from clients whose lives have been so structured, their identities so bound up with their roles, that, when they lose those roles, they become paralyzed. Some are people whose careers have ended through lay-off, down-sizing, or retirement. Some are parents who feel useless now that their children have left. It’s normal to feel the pain of loss in those circumstances.  What is not healthy is to have become so enmeshed in those roles that they can’t move beyond them.

These are the clients that, when I ask them what they enjoy now, they say “nothing”. When I ask what interests them, they say “nothing.” When I ask what new topics they might want to learn about, what places would be fun to explore, they say “none.” They’ve had a one-note song, and the song has ended. I realize it is often depression and loss talking, but because their lives have been so narrow, they are unable to move beyond this state. They remain in a sarcophagus of grief and stagnation, often for years. Sometimes for a lifetime.

So, who do we think we are? The best accountant, or nurse? A terrific parent, or electrician? Wonderful! But is that the only way we see ourselves? A single possible role? Then living that one-dimensional life will be devastating when our situation changes. So…, right now, today, we can take up a hobby or join a club or become a gardener, a runner, a scholar, a gourmet cook. We can wear a handful of hats. A closet full. This is mental preventive medicine–a lesson I’ve learned from my clients.

 

How the Worst Can Make You Your Best

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A brief article by Jim Rendon in the August 3, 2015 issue of Time magazine, titled “How trauma can change lives for the better,” stated that an estimated 75% of us will experience a traumatic event at some point. Those events inevitably  will cause pain and suffering. But in the 1990s, two psychologists (Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun) interviewed 600 survivors and were intrigued to find that, after the pain, many said their lives changed for the better. They reoriented themselves, adopted different perspectives, changed their goals. The psychologists named this phenomenon “posttraumatic growth.”

I have had the privilege to witness this type of growth in many of my clients. It’s exciting to watch victims devastated by rape, sexual abuse, loss, and illness move past the trauma and become more than just survivors. They become transcenders. I have seen a mother who had been a petty criminal spearhead an annual drive to provide books for needy children after the death of her three-year-old son.  I’ve watched clients bearing scars from early abuse become counselors, nurses, and volunteers. Then there is the client who nearly died in a recent motor vehicle accident, and another who was in a coma for almost a month after her car was struck by a semi. Both of these individuals had struggled with chronic depression. Now, although they suffer residual limitations from their injuries, each has moved beyond depression to become more active in the community, more giving of themselves, more enthusiastic about life.

As Jim Rendon writes, “Growth begins with healing from trauma. But people have the capacity to do far more than just heal. Ultimately, they can become better versions of themselves.”