I had heard about hypnotherapy, but my very conservative upbringing labeled it as “mind-control,” “dangerous,” or, worse, “a tool of the devil.” I knew it had been used successfully by early European psychologists and psychiatrists for years, but I wanted no part of it.

Until my senior year in college.

Around the time I was wrapping up my bachelor’s degree in psychology, I met a student who belonged to a group researching telekinesis–:the ability to change objects with mental power. He showed me a handful of forks and spoons that curled onto themselves like snails. He claimed that he had witnessed these objects being bent by thought alone. He begged me to join the research, insisting that he sensed the same power within me. I refused. That was too far out there, too scary, for me to even consider it.

A month later I was offered the opportunity to take a graduate level class in hypnotherapy from a therapist trained in Europe. Normally, I would have headed in the other direction, but the “mind-bending” student had triggered my curiosity about the power of the mind. I signed up for the 6-hour-per-day, weekly summer class.

It was an immersion class of 24 students in which we participated in group meditation, or took turns being the hypnotherapist and the subject. From the very first class, I began to embrace the tools and feel the benefits of hypnotherapy. Regulated breathing, meditation, and guided visualization quickly led to easy control of anxiety and worry. It enhanced my sense of connection to others. Through symbolic images and retrieved experiences, it clarified my decisions, released old hurts, and guided my next steps.

But when the class ended, I put that knowledge aside. I continued my doctoral training, learning conventional therapy techniques and popular psychological theories. Then, several years ago, I was moved to return to my study of hypnotherapy, meditation, and spirituality. I took courses and attended seminars that taught the skills and described the rapid results of hypnotherapy for anxiety management, smoking cessation, physical healing, and trauma resolution. I knew I had to share these benefits with my clients.

Almost half of my practice now is hypnotherapy to address a broad spectrum of problems. My studies continued and expanded. I now offer meditation and visualization to allow spirit connection. I have completed classes in past life regression, and my clients who have accessed past lives have found closure, experienced peace, and achieved greater understanding of their life choices. My studies continue in this amazing field.

I am continually grateful to that spoon-bending fellow who challenged me to think with an open mind. I still don’t know if telekinesis is real. But hypnotherapy has proven itself to me and my clients over and over again.

“I am so lonely,” many clients tell me. “I have no one.” “No one cares about me.” My heart goes out to them, because loneliness is a major cause of depression. It brings down self-esteem, reduces motivation, and contributes to a sense of hopelessness.

In fact, hopelessness has become so embedded in their outlook, that they respond to suggestions with, “I can’t,” or “That won’t work for me.”

What I have discovered is that, if we truly want something, we must put some energy toward that goal. It falls on the individual who wants companionship to put forth at least the initial effort. That includes finding a friend group or creating a social network.

We can find friends by searching out book clubs or exercise classes or volunteer groups. Whatever our interests are, there are probably groups of people getting together to do that very thing. It may take every ounce of courage we have to get to that first meeting, and then to come back again and again. It may take three or four meetings before we feel comfortable, but it will come eventually.

Alternatively, we can create a friend group from scratch. When I first moved to the Midwest to complete an internship, I had no one. I was estranged from my family back East, and I knew no one in my new town. I felt very displaced. I had met a few people at the internship, but I spent the weekends alone and lonely.

After a few weeks, I decided to do something about it. I invited a few co-workers, virtual strangers, to my home for a casual evening. I asked each one to bring a food item to share and a person or two I didn’t know. I ended up with eight guests for that first evening. I collected the phone numbers from the new acquaintances and, a month later, I called everyone with another invitation and instructions to bring a food item and someone I didn’t know.

After about six months, I had 80 people on my guest list. That was 15 years ago. Most didn’t become close friends, but many did, and some are still good friends today.

We can’t all do what I did, but we can all take the initiative to reach out. We can start a monthly potluck, a weekly card or dessert club, a daily walking group, a coffee break clan for ourselves and the other isolated people around us. There is a way to end loneliness if we can take a risk and put ourselves out there. It’s important for our mental health.

I have witnessed many demonstrations of enormous courage in my clients, but perhaps none are as poignant as those times when an individual must choose between family and personal integrity. My heart is with those clients, because they will face enormous pain and great loss, which ever path they choose.

The conflicts typically involve young men and women who are in the process of identifying their individuality, their value systems, their personal goals, and unique identities. Sometimes the issue is one of sexual orientation. Sometimes it revolves around gender identity. At times it is a career path. Often it centers on embracing or rejecting a specific religious belief system. In each case, a person has been told, This is how I want you to be. This is how I want you to live. This is what you must believe. And if you don’t, you are no longer part of the family.

It could be seen as emotional extortion. “You must pay me this part of yourself, give up this piece of your identity, forfeit this dream, or the consequences will be abandonment.” It is an extraordinarily powerful weapon. It results in a never-healing wound, the pain from which can scarcely be imagined by those of us who have never experienced this double bind. How ironic that this is often inflicted in the name of God.

Some victims of this coercion retreat, give in to the pressure, conform to expectations. They live like caged birds or puppets or masked performers, wearing costumes that never quite fit. A few, when the despair becomes too great, end their lives.

But time and again I have seen clients maintain their integrity in the face of loss and condemnation. They hurt deeply, but they stand up and move forward, building as they go the lives they were meant to live. Through the experience, they discover self-reliance and confidence. They also learn the importance of pairing power with compassion. They become doers and thinkers and leaders.

I wish I could describe in detail their specific paths, but I won’t risk the chance of making the divide worse for them. Besides, their stories are their own to tell. But their successes are an inspiration for all of us facing hard choices. Transcendence is within reach.

I am very impressed with a young teen I began working with recently. She had been unable to order at restaurants, fast food places, and in other situations where attention was drawn to herself. After just one session of hypnotherapy, she had no difficulty. In fact, it came so naturally that she didn’t even realize she had ordered her food until her mother said, “Did you know you just ordered?” and she replied. “Oh. Did I?” She’s a bright, creative young woman. I am pleased to be working with her.