Author Archives: dsgablephd@live.com

About dsgablephd@live.com

Licensed Psychologist for over 16 years. Ph.D. from the University of Tennessee.

An Inspiring Woman

?????????I met Dianne Drake five years ago at a writers’ workshop when I was just beginning to test the waters of getting creative writing published. She was very encouraging regarding my partially-completed manuscript, but it was her example that was most inspiring. She had written over thirty romance novels for publishers such as Harlequin, and is a best-selling medical romance writer in Europe. When I caught up with her again this past July, She was completing manuscripts for her 48th, 49th, and 50th novels–all of them already sold.

I don’t know when Dianne became disabled. She has been wheel-chair bound since I have known her. But her spirit and optimism are contagious. I wish every one of my clients who has a chronic illness could meet her and realize how much they have yet to offer the world.

Dianne had been a nurse in an earlier career, which gives her the inside scoop to tell convincing stories set in hospitals or with medical issues as a part of the plot.

Family Matters

Mothers’ Day. Fathers’ Day. Fourth of July reunions. These summer celebrations stir up childhood memories–some wonderful, some not so good. This stirring up can lead to altercations, depressive episodes, and the resurfacing of old accusations. Add alcohol, and some family gatherings end up in fistfights and arrests. Many, many people have pasts filled with hurt, but harboring anger, no matter how justified, is not the best strategy.

The most resilient among us have found ways to forgive the past and celebrate the present. That doesn’t mean they’ve said “That’s all right” to any traumatic experiences. It doesn’t mean they’ve forgotten or that they’ve shoved their feelings into a locked box. Real forgiveness cannot occur in such situations because the traumatized individual continues to feel victimized and weak.

Forgiveness comes from a position of power within, and it is a privilege to witness this spiritual and psychological muscle develop in those I work with. Some have re-established relationships with their formerly abusive parents, even to the point of becoming caregivers. Others have assertively set boundaries or completely cut contact with family members who continue to trigger hurtful memories or even persist in inflicting pain. Any of these choices can be the right one.

These paths signify forgiveness in that the message given is “I have moved on. I will not have my life controlled any longer by old memories or negative emotions. I am no longer consumed by anger or fear or hurt. I no longer harbor the toxins of grudges, ill-will, and vengeance.”  The compulsion to waste precious energy on spewing venom or wishing the worst toward old abusers is gone, which is forgiveness. And the release of that negativity is a terrific gift to give ourselves.

 

 

 

To Thine Own Self Be True

IMG_0188Today one of my clients told me the story of Laurel. I never had the chance to know her–she died before I even heard her name–but I am certain I would have loved her. I heard only snippets of her story. She was in her prime during the days when mobsters drove hulking black sedans and gunned down whoever crossed them with less remorse than most of us have for clipping a robin in flight or mowing down a squirrel.

Laurel was the girlfriend of some powerful mobster whose name, or even domain, I didn’t learn, so I’ll call him Nick. Nick flaunted the gorgeous and sexy Laurel on his arm while she flaunted her bosom, her dark eyes, and her astonishingly red lips until the day that Nick decided his one true love had ratted on him. She may or may not have, but Nick was sure she did. Or at least sure enough to have her shot up and left for dead in some neglected alley.

But Laurel was made of tougher material than Nick suspected. She hung on until a Good Samaritan came along and took her to the hospital where she was patched up and sewn back together. Realizing that second chances don’t come by that often, Laurel ended her mob connection and got a new boyfriend, but she kept the spirit of the original Laurel for the rest of her days. Despite eye rolls and whispers and snorts from an unappreciative community, she told her mob stories, dressed in off-beat, gaudy outfits, and wore her astonishingly red lipstick on her wrinkled lips until the day she died, a few weeks ago at the age of 70-something.

I am entranced by people who dare to be original. With all their kits-and-caboodles of problems, their tattered and misshapen histories, they remain true to themselves through it all.  A light shines within those people. We should all have that courage to be ourselves. We should all shine with such light.

Clinical Hypnosis

My colleague Dr. Carolyn Hines and I just participated in a seminar in which we were asked to discuss, among other topics, the possibilities of healing through hypnotherapy. Since this is a question I frequently receive in my inbox, I’m going to briefly recount some of the points we covered in the seminar.

First we talked about the basic difference between stage hypnosis and hypnotherapy. Stage hypnotists are entertainers. As such, their focus is on providing entertainment to the  audience. The welfare of the participant is secondary to the task.

In clinical hypnosis, the aim of the procedure is to help the client heal. Therefore, the well-being of the client is first and foremost.

Forms of hypnotism as a part of healing have been used for thousands of years. In recent centuries, it was re-introduced in the 1800s by a physician named Mesmer, who thought that disease was caused by a misalignment of our body’s electromagnetic fluids. He created an elaborate series of movements to re-align the “animal magnetism.” It appeared to work. Of course, what he was doing without realizing it was hypnotizing his clients. Since then, scientists have researched the phenomenon, which is a natural mental process, and are just beginning to acknowledge the array of potential benefits.

Disorders that respond beneficially to hypnotherapy include depression, anxiety, panic attacks, chronic pain, Reynaud’s Syndrome, high blood pressure, migraines, gastrointestinal symptoms, and PTSD. There are also benefits to those undergoing treatment for cancer, obesity, diabetes, and autoimmune diseases, among many other diagnoses.

The success of hypnotherapy (which is really self-hypnosis by the client) is just another evidence of the power of our minds to heal our bodies.

 

True Wealth

During a recent session with a client, we covered an array of topics from changes in scientific thinking about consciousness, to global disease, to what it takes to be content in life. The discussion took me back to my days as an intern.

It was a financial struggle to provide for myself and my daughter on an intern’s salary, but we had found a small cottage to rent for a very reasonable price. It sat on a dead end street at the edge of the woods on a two acre field. I would often take my cup of coffee to my lounge chair on the porch and enjoy the songs of birds and the dance of the sun on the grass through the leaves of the large maple. Each morning the thought would occur to me that the richest person in the world could not feel more content than I did at that very moment.

Eventually, my client and I proposed that a rich person who wants even more than he has will never feel rich enough, and a person who has contentment will feel wealthy regardless of the size of his bank account. These ideas are not new or profound, perhaps, but I am grateful to my wonderful client for helping me recall that sometimes a good cup of coffee and a lounge chair on the porch are all you need to feel wealthy.

 

 

Changes

I have started a sister blog to this site (pen-and-inkblot.com) that combines my interests in psychology with creative writing. Since many, if not most, novels and memoirs contain elements of psychology, I think this will be a good marriage. Check out the new blog and see if you agree.

My post there on the nature of change was inspired by the leaps made by some of the clients I’ve worked with. I recall one young woman who seemed to have everything against her. She had severe health problems that kept her confined to her home, she was very obese, she was depressed and highly anxious, and she smoked heavily. And she despised all those things about herself.

I suggested we tackle one problem at a time, but she wanted to change everything. By the third session, we had found the perfect strategy to help her focus her efforts. By the fourth session, two weeks later, she had stopped smoking, she was walking 2 1/2 miles a day, her physical symptoms had abated, she had started attending church, and she had begun losing weight.  She hated her situation so much that, when she found the right cognitive strategies, she used them as a springboard toward change.

One important strategy she used was seeing each healthy choice as a gift to herself rather than a punishment or deprivation. It isn’t a magic bullet. It won’t work for everyone, but it was great for her. Each of us will have to find the tool that fits us well.

Any feedback on this blog or the new one will be appreciated.

Impossible Things Are Happening

In the stage version of the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical Cinderella, one of the songs has the following refrain: “Because these daft and dewy-eyed dopes keep dreaming up impossible hopes, impossible things are happening everyday.”

Here are three individuals who prove that Rodgers and Hammerstein knew what they were talking about. No–they’re not my clients (I don’t even know them. I wish I did.) but how can I not be awed and inspired by their examples? Perhaps you’ve seen their stories in the media.

First is Diana Nyad who, at age 64, set a world record by swimming from Cuba to Florida. The swim took 53 hours. 53 hours! Without a break. Without a shark cage. Without flippers. The whole idea was preposterous. She herself called it her “Xtreme Dream,” one she’d had for 35 years. She had tried and failed five previous times, but on September 2, 2013, she did it!

Then there is Ed Whitlock. In 2012, at age 80, he set a record, running the Toronto Marathon in 3 hours and 30 minutes. He’s 82 now and still tackling marathons even though the track hasn’t been without hurdles. He says, “I had a knee injury just after my 70th birthday and it took me two years to get back to where I was. That was a long tough struggle.” Hasn’t anyone told him he’s too old to even think of running a marathon?

Not to be forgotten is Olga Kotelko, a retired Canadian school teacher who, at age 93, was setting records in the Master Olympics in long-jumping and high-jumping. She’s 95 now and training for her next competition. Who ever heard of such a thing?

It’s a bit embarrassing to read about these accomplishments when I must admit that the closest I get to distance running is following my small dogs through the woods behind my home. And my most strenuous activity is stumbling into the house with four heavy grocery bags because I’m determined not to make a second trip “all the way back to the car” in my driveway. I doubt that either of those events will make me Olympic material, not that I have aspirations to become a record-breaking athlete. However, I did wonder what allowed these extraordinary people to dream up what seem like impossible goals, and then, against all odds,  meet them.

I delved into their secrets and gleaned these tidbits from their on-line interviews (although I encourage you to Google them and read or listen to the full articles): Olga Kotelko said, “I’m an optimist. I take the most hopeful view of matters.” Ed Whitlock said, “…we can still accomplish a lot if we keep active and stick with it.” Diane Nyad gave this advice, “We should never, ever give up. You are never too old to chase your dreams.”

It sounds like attitude and persistence are major factors in their successes. I would add a third factor. They don’t doubt themselves. They absolutely believe in their abilities and could “see” themselves accomplishing their goals. One of my graduate school professors once said, “You have to be able to imagine doing something in order to do it.” Do you have an “Xtreme Dream?” Whether it’s conquering trauma memories, overcoming phobias, mastering a new skill, or getting a college degree, if you truly believe you can do it, you can.

There’s a lot more to be said about these attributes and how they play out in our everyday experiences and we’ll explore that in a later post. In the meantime, here’s to all of us becoming “daft and dewy-eyed dopes” just like these amazing athletes.

 

Cognitive therapy vs Right-Brain strategies

Recently a client asked if I use cognitive-behavior therapy (CBT) techniques. Yes, I do, if that is the strategy that seems appropriate for the client. Those CBT strategies are encouraged by insurance companies because they have been shown by research to be effective for certain problems. This modality uses left-brain techniques based on logistical thinking and the ability to verbalize. Emotions are seen as the antithesis to the client’s healing, the cause of his symptoms, the enemy to be overcome.

My clients have shown this thinking to be far too narrow. By using their right-brain strengths–imagination, emotional energy, and intuition–alone or in conjunction with left-brain thinking, they have made rapid progress. I recall one client who amazed me with her power to heal.

She was not a likely candidate for therapy. She was developmentally delayed, had been adopted into an abusive family, had little formal schooling, and, now in her late sixties, had been living in a nursing home for years. She’d suffered a stroke at some point long before I met her and, although she had no difficulty walking or using her arms, she had never regained her ability to speak. She could comprehend what was said to her, but her spoken vocabulary was limited to “Yeah,” “No,” and a repetition of the last word or two of what was spoken to her. Despite these limitations, she had managed well in the nursing facility.

Nursing home staff called me in to work with her because one afternoon she began wailing in the dining room, then raced out, and hid in a corner. Without speech, she couldn’t explain what upset her, but she was agitated, refused meals, and had disturbed sleep after that.

I met with her a few days later. By asking yes-or-no questions, I was eventually able to discern that a new resident strongly resembled a sexual perpetrator from her childhood. She was now flooded with memories and nightmares. Using relaxation techniques, I was able to calm her. I then used right-brain techniques I’ve developed to help her use her imagination to defeat the perpetrator.

She radiated joy and relief after our session. Although she couldn’t verbalize her gratitude, she gave me a hug and scooted away. For several years I met with her from time to time and confirmed that she remained symptom-free, able to eat in the common dining room, sleep peacefully, and live without anxiety. She is truly one of my remarkable clients.

Cognitive therapy is perfect for some clients and for some problems, but not for everything and everyone. I don’t have the time or the money to organize huge, random studies to “prove” right-brain techniques work, but my clients prove it for me over and over again with their resiliency and creative strengths.

 

Grieving During the Holidays

Despite the dazzle and hoopla of the holidays, this is the time of year when many people become depressed, partly due to shortened days and less sunshine. But also, for some, instead of anticipation of fun and happy gatherings, the advent of the holiday season fills them with sadness and a longing for lost loved ones. So many, in fact, that in the past, and again this year, we will organize a support group from November 1 to January 15 to help people through this difficult time.

This sense of something missing after a death is a normal and vital part of being human. It signifies the depth and closeness of the relationship. However, by immersing ourselves in grief, we are numb to the gifts of holiday experiences with family members and friends who are still with us. And rather than remembering the lives of lost loved ones, we are focusing on the deaths–really, just a small sliver of who they were and what they meant to us.

Instead, why not make celebrating their lives a part of your holiday tradition? Cook one (or more) of their favorite dishes, then talk about it. “This is Mom’s recipe for potato filling.” “This is Uncle John’s favorite pie.” Donate a gift in their names to a cause they supported. Volunteer at a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving as a tribute to their generosity of spirit. Make a list of reasons why you are glad they were, and are, a part of your life. Share the funniest or warmest stories about them.  Set a goal to fulfill one of their dreams.

My own mother died over 30 years ago, yet I still feel drawn to call her on the phone on holidays, when something special happens, or when I need advice. That’s not going to go away, and I don’t want it to. But after her death, I chose a path that would emulate her spirit of compassion and optimism and her gift for helping others. I wish she were here. I always will. But I am absolutely certain that she sees and celebrates with me.

If you or your family or friends would like to participate in our Grief Support Group, call 812-491-1805 for times and locations.

Where are you putting your crown?

Today I was reminded of a long-ago client who had broken her foot. It never healed properly and, despite surgery, she would no longer able to do long-distance running. We discussed her deep sense of loss and frustration and we worked together to put her disappointment behind her, but, after weeks of therapy, she continued to spend her days hiding in her bedroom, sobbing loudly, unable to eat or sleep or engage in any of the activities she had found satisfying prior to the injury, unable to find pleasure or peace from any source.

Finally I said to her, you have put a crown on your foot because your foot has become the ruler of all you say and think and do. Eventually, this client was able to move forward and discover many things she enjoyed. I applaud her ability to move on and to find alternative sports that were just as invigorating and exciting to her as running had been.

Now, whenever I am frustrated or worried or bogged down, I ask myself where am I putting my crown today? What is running my life and coloring my thoughts at that moment?   If it’s something superficial or negative or from the distant past or about a situation beyond my control, I remove that “crown” and give my power to issues that are meaningful, changeable, and positive.