“I am so lonely,” many clients tell me. “I have no one.” “No one cares about me.” My heart goes out to them, because loneliness is a major cause of depression. It brings down self-esteem, reduces motivation, and contributes to a sense of hopelessness.

In fact, hopelessness has become so embedded in their outlook, that they respond to suggestions with, “I can’t,” or “That won’t work for me.”

What I have discovered is that, if we truly want something, we must put some energy toward that goal. It falls on the individual who wants companionship to put forth at least the initial effort. That includes finding a friend group or creating a social network.

We can find friends by searching out book clubs or exercise classes or volunteer groups. Whatever our interests are, there are probably groups of people getting together to do that very thing. It may take every ounce of courage we have to get to that first meeting, and then to come back again and again. It may take three or four meetings before we feel comfortable, but it will come eventually.

Alternatively, we can create a friend group from scratch. When I first moved to the Midwest to complete an internship, I had no one. I was estranged from my family back East, and I knew no one in my new town. I felt very displaced. I had met a few people at the internship, but I spent the weekends alone and lonely.

After a few weeks, I decided to do something about it. I invited a few co-workers, virtual strangers, to my home for a casual evening. I asked each one to bring a food item to share and a person or two I didn’t know. I ended up with eight guests for that first evening. I collected the phone numbers from the new acquaintances and, a month later, I called everyone with another invitation and instructions to bring a food item and someone I didn’t know.

After about six months, I had 80 people on my guest list. That was 15 years ago. Most didn’t become close friends, but many did, and some are still good friends today.

We can’t all do what I did, but we can all take the initiative to reach out. We can start a monthly potluck, a weekly card or dessert club, a daily walking group, a coffee break clan for ourselves and the other isolated people around us. There is a way to end loneliness if we can take a risk and put ourselves out there. It’s important for our mental health.