Despite the dazzle and hoopla of the holidays, this is the time of year when many people become depressed, partly due to shortened days and less sunshine. But also, for some, instead of anticipation of fun and happy gatherings, the advent of the holiday season fills them with sadness and a longing for lost loved ones. So many, in fact, that in the past, and again this year, we will organize a support group from November 1 to January 15 to help people through this difficult time.

This sense of something missing after a death is a normal and vital part of being human. It signifies the depth and closeness of the relationship. However, by immersing ourselves in grief, we are numb to the gifts of holiday experiences with family members and friends who are still with us. And rather than remembering the lives of lost loved ones, we are focusing on the deaths–really, just a small sliver of who they were and what they meant to us.

Instead, why not make celebrating their lives a part of your holiday tradition? Cook one (or more) of their favorite dishes, then talk about it. “This is Mom’s recipe for potato filling.” “This is Uncle John’s favorite pie.” Donate a gift in their names to a cause they supported. Volunteer at a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving as a tribute to their generosity of spirit. Make a list of reasons why you are glad they were, and are, a part of your life. Share the funniest or warmest stories about them.  Set a goal to fulfill one of their dreams.

My own mother died over 30 years ago, yet I still feel drawn to call her on the phone on holidays, when something special happens, or when I need advice. That’s not going to go away, and I don’t want it to. But after her death, I chose a path that would emulate her spirit of compassion and optimism and her gift for helping others. I wish she were here. I always will. But I am absolutely certain that she sees and celebrates with me.

If you or your family or friends would like to participate in our Grief Support Group, call 812-491-1805 for times and locations.