Monthly Archives: November 2016

On Bullying

Recently on Facebook ads, I’ve been badgered with pleas to purchase a tool called “How to Teach Your Children Not to Be Bullies, and How to Teach Them to Not Just Stand By and Watch.” I’m certain that isn’t the verbatim title, but you get the gist. My immediate thought is that the most effective way to teach our children about bullying is by the way we respond to bullies. If we applaud them, our children will. If we turn away when the weak and vulnerable are being taken advantage of or maligned or mistreated, that’s what our children will see as the appropriate response. Kids are not stupid. They won’t believe what a person says if they see him or her doing something different. If we want our children to be kind and merciful and considerate, or, at the least, tolerant, then we must be also.

It has been disturbing to see that bullying was such an intrinsic part of the recent presidential campaign. Have we proven to the youngest generation that bullying is the path to enormous power? I hope not. Let us hope, instead, that, as the dust settles, we will see that goodness, kindness, and cooperation are what makes a nation great. Everyone of us has a chance to be a part of that movement.

1925. The Tri-State Tornado

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I have been researching the 1925 record-breaking tornado that leveled numerous small towns and killed over 600 people across Missouri, Illinois, and Indiana. That tornado still holds the record for death toll, time on the ground, and distance traveled. One factor that contributed to the terror felt by the communities was that there was no warning except for the dark clouds they noted in the southwest. No time to get to safety. Weather services were not equipped to predict the path of tornadoes  at that time. In fact, tornadoes were so unpredictable that weather services were not permitted to use that term because of the panic it might incite.

My interest in this storm was piqued by having had the privilege of talking to several survivors at one of the nursing facilities where I am a consultant. The stories of loss are heartbreaking, but the determination and courage shown by the survivors is inspiring. It is difficult to imagine losing every possession, one’s home, or several children within a matter of minutes. Many of the victims were trapped in basements, crushed beneath heavy objects, burned to death as coal stoves fell and timbers ignited. Clean-up included, not just pulling the rubble aside and rebuilding, but also searching for and identifying the bodies of loved ones, binding the wounds of the injured.

I am writing a work of fiction based on the experiences I’ve heard or read about relating to that tragic event. I hope to show the depth and extent of the devastation felt in the communities. But my focus will be on the way the destruction may have changed the survivors, and on their ability to find the will to mend and move forward.

 

 

Kudos to Blue Bloods

How insightful for the most recent episode of the TV show Blue Bloods to include a situation that is so relevant to our mental health system. One of the storylines focused on a dangerously disturbed young man who was refused hospitalization because he “didn’t meet the criteria.” He then attacked his ex-girlfriend and killed her. Yes, this was entertainment. Just a TV show. But it was such an accurate depiction of what often happens when someone presents at the ER, that I applaud the writers for being astute enough to bring this to public attention.

A Perfect Storm

We are creating a perfect storm for tragedy. We have woefully inadequate mental health care and unlimited access to weapons. When I read of shooters described as mentally ill, I imagine the public spewing venom about the idiotic psychologist who failed to hospitalize the patient in time to prevent the shooting. So, I am on my soap box to say, “Easier said than done.”

Mental health professionals may press for more intense treatment, but insurance companies often resist covering the treatment of mentally ill individuals, and they certainly don’t want to foot the bill for lengthy hospitalizations. On numerous occasions, I have attempted to have a patient in active psychosis admitted, only to be told they “don’t meet the criteria.” As recently as two weeks ago, we sent a potentially dangerous patient to the ER. She was given a Prozac and sent home. Her family was able to help her safely through her episode, but it might have ended differently. There is an acute need for the revamping of the mental health system. The current practice of waiting until after a tragic event, and then imprisoning the person, or burying them, isn’t working.

What scares me the most, however, is the number of people I know of with explosive disorders, anger issues, and personality problems that have stock-piled, yes, literally stock-piled, weapons. What will it take for someone like this to slip over the edge and kill himself or someone else? And this isn’t taking into account the mood swings and impulsivity of young people. In 2010, more than 1,900 kids between the ages of 5 and 19 committed suicide with a firearm. Where do we think they got those guns? Further, eighty-five percent of suicide attempts with a gun are successful, as opposed to one to two percent with, say, wrist-slashing. We need to be more aware of depression in teens, work to get hospitals to admit severely depressed people, and do whatever is needed to protect our youths from themselves. Some gun-owning parents with children suffering from depression have actually, gasp!, removed firearms from their homes.

There is a lot of work to be done at the juxtaposition of mental health and criminal law. Let’s push for real progress.

Who Do We Think We are?

More and more, I am seeing that our self-identities may be our destinies. When we are young, we believe we are invincible, that life has no boundaries, and that our futures have no strings. But our identities harden around the edges as we make choices and begin to shape the way we live. That is a good thing. We need structure to accomplish anything. We need a foundation to build on. We need a circle of support.

But I’ve learned something from clients whose lives have been so structured, their identities so bound up with their roles, that, when they lose those roles, they become paralyzed. Some are people whose careers have ended through lay-off, down-sizing, or retirement. Some are parents who feel useless now that their children have left. It’s normal to feel the pain of loss in those circumstances.  What is not healthy is to have become so enmeshed in those roles that they can’t move beyond them.

These are the clients that, when I ask them what they enjoy now, they say “nothing”. When I ask what interests them, they say “nothing.” When I ask what new topics they might want to learn about, what places would be fun to explore, they say “none.” They’ve had a one-note song, and the song has ended. I realize it is often depression and loss talking, but because their lives have been so narrow, they are unable to move beyond this state. They remain in a sarcophagus of grief and stagnation, often for years. Sometimes for a lifetime.

So, who do we think we are? The best accountant, or nurse? A terrific parent, or electrician? Wonderful! But is that the only way we see ourselves? A single possible role? Then living that one-dimensional life will be devastating when our situation changes. So…, right now, today, we can take up a hobby or join a club or become a gardener, a runner, a scholar, a gourmet cook. We can wear a handful of hats. A closet full. This is mental preventive medicine–a lesson I’ve learned from my clients.